


Halloween Special

by warriorblood1



Category: Nightmare Time (Team StarKid), Spies Are Forever - Talkfine/Tin Can Brothers, Wayward Guide for the Untrained Eye (Tin Can Brothers)
Genre: Btw I head canon Paul as adhd and I think he's hyperfixating on werewolves, Crossover, Gen, Halloween, Lovecraft is mentioned and shat on, Script Format, Technically at least, Werewolves are talked about and adored, and honestly good for him, but less than you'd expect, puns, spoilers for episode 3 of the podcast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:05:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27340138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/warriorblood1/pseuds/warriorblood1
Summary: Artemis and Paul Schue-Horyn are the co-hosts of this season's Wayward Guide for the Untrained Eye, and they're lucky enough to be premiering around Halloween, so, they got a spooky little bonus episode to share some stories for the season.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21





	Halloween Special

ARTEMIS: Hello and welcome to the Wayward Guide for the Untrained Eye Halloween Special. I'm your host, Artemis Schue-Horyn.

PAUL: And I'm your very spoopy co-host, Paul Schue-Horyn, ready to spook your socks off with some seriously scary stories. 

ARTEMIS: Lots of alliteration, but no pun?

PAUL: I mean, I have some vampire puns, but they kinda suck.

ARTEMIS: I'm sure… oh.

PAUL: Took you a second, huh? Hey, what's that? 

ARTEMIS: [chair creaks] What's what? 

PAUL: BOO! [thump]  _ OW! _ Hey!

ARTEMIS: That's what you get for scaring me. You know my fight-or-flight is almost always fight. You're just lucky I missed.

PAUL: You punched me in the shoulder!

ARTEMIS: I was aiming for your face. Anyway, back on topic. We're lucky enough to be the hosts during the Halloween season, and so we managed to get ourselves a bonus episode! Of course, it has nothing to do with our main story in Connor Creek.

PAUL: Except for all the werewolves.

ARTEMIS: Paul… Okay, some of our scary stories are from Connor Creek, or about our time there, but nothing about the story with Miner Mole or the city council or any of that.

PAUL: Some of the stories have real things, like werewolves!

ARTEMIS: And some of them have fake things, like werewolves.

PAUL: Come on, after everything we've seen, you still don't believe?

ARTEMIS: I believe we found… something. But I  _ also _ believe that if we keep talking about this, we might spoil something for our main story.

PAUL: Fine, fine. Our first tale is a real story, about murder!

ARTEMIS: If you've been keeping up with the main show, you would know that the man who led us to Connor Creek, Ryan Reynolds-

PAUL: Not the actor, by the way.

ARTEMIS: Yeah, not that Ryan Reynolds.  _ This _ Ryan Reynolds was running for Connor Creek's city council when he was murdered, just outside the inn we were staying at, the Dead Canary.

PAUL: The B&B&B! Bed and breakfast and bar!

ARTEMIS: You know, I didn't see that many canaries in town, dead or alive.

PAUL: I think it's a mining thing? Like, I swear I read somewhere that you would send a canary down the mineshaft and if it sings there's poison or whatever.

ARTEMIS: And a dead canary can't sing. Interesting. Anyway, if you haven't seen a dead body, try to keep it that way. It's… not pretty.

PAUL: Blood everywhere! Guts torn apart! Poor guy's lying face-down in the dirt, dropped like a sack of potatoes!

ARTEMIS: Thank you for the visual, Paul.

PAUL: I mean, that mortician lady, Rita, was really interested in it. If you're interested in dead bodies, maybe find one!

ARTEMIS: That's horrible advice, please don't go finding dead bodies. Or making them.

PAUL: Oh, jeez, yeah. Yeah, no making dead bodies unless it's by natural causes.

ARTEMIS: Still terrible. Moving on. Ryan had a lot going on in Connor Creek, a town he cared about and loved deeply. And honestly, the scariest thing about his death is just how much he left behind. His sister, his town, his cause. Most of his life left unlived.

PAUL: Carpe diem, you know? Gather ye rosebuds while ye may! Did you ever watch Dead Poets Society? Good movie, for those who haven't, Robin Williams,  _ ugh! _

ARTEMIS: That's about all for that story. Paul, did you have something not-werewolf related to share?

PAUL: Oh you bet I do. Now, this is not confirmed to be true or false, but I believe it to be true.

ARTEMIS: If you don't have a source for something, it should be deemed false until proven otherwise.

PAUL: Oh, whatever. Listen, you know about the multiverse theory, right?

ARTEMIS: Yeah.

PAUL: Well, this is kind of like an add-on to that? With a Lovecraftian twist.

ARTEMIS: Hopefully not in the racist way.

PAUL: Oh, God no. Who do you take me for?

ARTEMIS: Just double-checking.

PAUL: So. There are multiple dimensions, splitting each time a single person makes any choice, significant or otherwise. Some are very similar to our reality, some are vastly different. But what's in between those dimensions, huh?

ARTEMIS: What makes you think there's something in between them?

PAUL: In between you and me there's air. In between planets in space there's… space stuff. Why wouldn't it be different for dimensions?

ARTEMIS: Well, I can see your reasoning, at least.

PAUL: Great. So, in between all the different dimensions and realities, there is an endless expanse called… The Black and White.

ARTEMIS: [laughing] Who named it, a four-year-old?

PAUL:  _ Actually,  _ some very fancy military scientists did, thank you. But anyway, the theory is if you can get  _ inside  _ the Black and White, with a portal or something, then you could cross through it into other dimensions.

ARTEMIS: How would you build a portal to a place outside all dimensions?

PAUL: I dunno. All that was just theoretical. But! It is a theory that some people in the military have looked into. Now, the rest, well. That's where things get spooky. See, a lesser-accepted part of the theory is that within the Black and White there are these eldritch horrors that can interfere in any dimension they choose. I got their names, uh… [papers shuffling] Aha! Their names are Pokotho, Bliklotep, T'noy Karaxis, Nibblenephim, and Wiggog Y'wrath.

ARTEMIS: You better not have summoned something in here with all that.

PAUL: Oh, so you believe in the supernatural now?

ARTEMIS: ...Just continue.

PAUL: There's supposedly one more, a spider lady, but I couldn't find a name for her besides "Webby." See, those five with the weird names are referred to as the Lords in Black, but Webby seems to be something different.

ARTEMIS: A Lady in White?

PAUL: Probably, yeah! But see, these beings, they keep popping up throughout history in mythology and folklore all over the world. Creation myths, Lovecraft, some have even argued the Bible!

ARTEMIS: Interesting.

PAUL: Yeah! But what's even more interesting is exactly where they keep showing up. London Tower, Venice, the Paris Catacombs, so many places! But there's two in America that are interesting to me. One is Rhode Island, some think that Lovecraft might've found something there that inspired some of the stuff he wrote, not including the racism though, and the other I can't find any explanation for…

ARTEMIS: Where is it?

PAUL: This tiny town on an island in Lake Erie called Hatchetfield.

ARTEMIS: Never heard of it.

PAUL: I hadn't either! But apparently a ton of people ever since its founding have claimed to interact with the Lords in Black, or experience something caused by them.

ARTEMIS: Crazy. Well, good story, Paul. There was more real-life basis to that than I expected.

PAUL: I'll take it! So, what do you have next, Artie?

ARTEMIS: Well, it's a local myth from Connor Creek. A bit of fact, a bit of folklore.

PAUL: Werew-

ARTEMIS: Not werewolves. This is the story of Connor Creek's mystery man.

PAUL: I… don't think I heard this one, actually.

ARTEMIS: Let's start with the facts. In 1969, a man came stumbling into the ranger station in Connor Creek. A man that no one in town recognized. He was bleeding and delirious and in desperate need of medical attention. Doctors patched him up as best they could, but he wasn't getting any better, and three days after arriving in town, he died. They had no idea who he was, where he had come from, or what had happened. All they had to go off of was the autopsy and the man's deathbed ramblings. First, the autopsy showed that, in addition to having been shot three times, he was also poisoned, and the coroner ruled that the poison was the cause of death. Second, his ramblings. He gave them many names for himself, and seemed to be very aware he was near death. Furthermore, he claimed to know who did this to him. And you know who he said it was?

PAUL: Uh… Christopher Walken?

ARTEMIS: He said that Chimera was responsible for his death.

PAUL: Wait, like, Chimera Worldwide? That Chimera?

ARTEMIS: Exactly. In 1969, Chimera was a fairly new but very successful company, only just starting to really pick up outside of Central Europe. It was barely even heard of in America, especially a remote, low-tech town like Connor Creek. So to have a stranger die a mysterious death and blame it on an up-and-coming tech conglomerate was very bizarre indeed. And this is what leads to the less-factual parts of this story.

PAUL: Aw yeah, theory time!

ARTEMIS: It seemed like everyone in Connor Creek that brought up this story had their own thoughts on what happened, though few were even born at the time. One popular string of thoughts was that the man knew more about Chimera and his situation than he let on. Remember how I mentioned that he just rambled a lot?

PAUL: Yeah?

ARTEMIS: One of the things he would occasionally do is he would talk to someone that nobody saw or heard. A ghost, perhaps, or a hallucination. But he referred to it as Owen. Sometimes it was an argument, sometimes it was apologies, sometimes just casual conversations. His last words were, "I hope Owen's forgiven me by now." 

PAUL: Definitely a ghost, then.

ARTEMIS: This alone is more sad than curious, but another thing he would do is give a different name every time he was asked.

PAUL: Do you have a list?

ARTEMIS: Of course.

PAUL: Can I read it?

ARTEMIS: ...Sure. [papers shuffling]

PAUL: Joseph Richter, Ryan Quinn, Norman Fellows, Brian Rosenthal, Tyler Joseph, Curt Mega, Issac Norm, Timothy Fletcher, Timothy Brown, Corey Lubowich, Freddie Harlow, Derek Gates, Frank Carvour-

ARTEMIS: That one! Frank Carvour.

PAUL: That's far from the weirdest name on this list. I mean, Curt Mega? That's way too cool sounding to be a real name.

ARTEMIS: Weird or not, it's the surname that's interesting.

PAUL: Mega?

ARTEMIS: Carvour. See, a major member of Chimera back in the 60s was a man named Owen Carvour.

PAUL:  _ Oh. _

ARTEMIS: Yeah! Looking back, a lot of people thought that maybe the mystery man  _ knew  _ Owen Carvour, and at first that made everyone think he was the one who killed him, that is, until 2009.

PAUL: Homestuck changed their minds?

ARTEMIS: Please never mention Homestuck to me ever again. In 2009, several agencies across the world released documents listing spies they had out during the Cold War. MI6 was one of those agencies, and many people were quick to notice that Owen Carvour was listed as an agent.

PAUL: Oh hell yeah! Spies!

ARTEMIS: Furthermore, he was listed as KIA in 1957, around the time Chimera was founded. What's odd about  _ that  _ is that Carvour's body was found in a Russian weapons facility with a single bullet to the head, point-blank range, in 1961,  _ four years  _ after MI6 said he died.

PAUL: Double death… 

ARTEMIS: The mystery man seems to have known a former agent, gave a different name every time he was asked, and died in an unlikely fashion, claiming it to be the fault of the company that the former agent worked for. All of that together sounds pretty suspicious, and led many people to believe that the mystery man was himself a spy.

PAUL: I can believe it. Wow, I didn't know Chimera was wrapped up in stuff like this. Have they ever acknowledged it?

ARTEMIS: They've acknowledged Owen Carvour being on the MI6 declassified list a couple of times, but they've never confirmed if  _ their  _ Owen was the same guy. As for Connor Creek's mystery man, the story has barely left the town.

PAUL: Until now! Chimera, we want some answers.

ARTEMIS: Don't get yourself in trouble. But that's all for that story.

PAUL: I hope the guy's ghost isn't still wandering the town. Imagine dying like that and then being stuck in a random town in the middle of nowhere forever.

ARTEMIS: I'm sure he's fine. Do you have anything else?

PAUL: I have, drumroll please, [drumming on table] werewolf facts!

ARTEMIS: Oh, boy.

PAUL: Werewolf fact number one! They have origins in a lot of different mythos, including Norse, Greek, and Roman mythology! Werewolf fact number two! In France in the 1700s, there was an actual werewolf attack!

ARTEMIS: No, there was not.

PAUL: Yes, there was! They were called the Beasts of Gevaudon, and the French Army had to come and fight them!

ARTEMIS: They were probably just dogs.

PAUL: Like, a hundred people died, Artie.

ARTEMIS: Alright, alright, I'll look into it later.

PAUL: Thank you. Werewolf fact number three! There's a lot of ways to become a werewolf besides the obvious being bitten and not dying one. For example, being the seventh son of a seventh son!

ARTEMIS: That's ridiculous.

PAUL: Yeah, that one's kinda silly. Werewolf fact number four! Once they're accustomed to their werewolf powers, they don't need the full moon to transform! They can do it whenever they please.

ARTEMIS: Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose? You could just choose to never transform, keep living your life as normal.

PAUL: Yeah, but why would you want to do that if you can turn into a big ol' dog whenever you want?

ARTEMIS: Lycanthropy sounds a lot worse than just being a dog. But, that's all the time we have for today.

PAUL: Hope you enjoyed this boo-nus episode of the Wayward Guide for the Untrained Eye!

ARTEMIS: Tune in next Friday for our usual show where we look into the mysteries of the town of Connor Creek. 

PAUL: It'll be killer! Get it? Because it's Halloween, and killers-

ARTEMIS: Don't worry, I got it. 

PAUL: You can't skele-run from my skele-puns.

ARTEMIS: [sigh] You make me… batty.

PAUL: [victorious laughter]

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Artemis, way too casually: Chimera Worldwide
> 
> me, driving: CHIMERA? CHI-FUCKING-MERA?
> 
> anyway this was me thinking about the implications and then going a little ham about it, hope you enjoyed


End file.
